I never understood the phrase love is blind. First of all love is a concept, or a feeling, and doesn't actually encompass a physical body, let alone have eyes to not be able to see with. And second of all I always thought the point of love was that you loved in spite of people's shortcomings (you can't spite things you can't see, I've tried, it just doesn't work).
However as I am falling out of love I'm beginning to understand. I'm pretty sure that's what I was in, love. It was yet to fully bloom when cut short by the "I can't do this right now" conversation and about 1600 km between us, but the bud was there, that warm happy safe feeling, somewhere between elation and contentment. I would never admit this to mr 'lets just keep things casual', mind you.
As this feeling is slowly dying, and by that I mean all of those warm fuzzies have turned into fuck you's and facebook stalking and drinking too much and hating every other girl he casually sees and getting way too concerned whether or not he actually could "do this right now" but just not with me, I'm starting to see how blind I was.
There is a chance that if he liked me as much as I liked him, then the issues that I swept under the rug, the not messaging me back when he knew I was hanging around near his hostel waiting for dinner plans, the leaving me waiting in my car for 40 minutes because he got caught up with a mate, the not following through with calling me "in a bit" so i'm left waiting around like an idiot, there's a chance that they wouldn't have existed, because in his brain or his heart if you want to get sentimental (I know I do!) he would have naturally thought to put me first, and would have naturally been more considerate of my feelings, or even my existence.
But he was not and I'm starting to see how much of a liar he is. I cannot be blamed entirely for my ignorance because this particular gentleman is so genuinely kind hearted. I know, the absolute fucking worst! Where he fails is in his thoughtlessness in what he says and promises. There is no connect between saying we'll catch up that night, and actual intent to catch up that night. He is a compulsive promiser and also bends the truth to avoid confrontation. I think in his simple way he just wants to make everyone happy and not disappoint anyone so says whatever it takes to diffuse a potentially negative situation. Like once over the phone he said he had to go and I responded "aww but I like talking to you". He rushed to promise to call me the next day, thinking he'd upset me by leaving. Credit to him, he actually did that one, but it was a completely unnecessary promise and followed by many others he did break.
It was so frustrating for him to promise one thing, and then completely forget I existed (or completely forget to reply to messages) I felt like such a fool every time I believed him and he let me down, and I did believe him every single time.
Why would I not assume that he was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
All of this was not an issue for me at all at the time. I was hurt when he didn't think of me, but I'd forgive him so readily and so easily, he'd just have to smile at me and my heart was completely his once again, free from any bitterness or resentment that 'm starting to think he deserved.
So is love really blind, or do the feelings of rejection and jealousy just have amazing vision much too refined and no where near as forgiving as its more amiable counterparts?
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