I am a bad person

I brought in the new year with all the class and self respect of a turtle on its back, with his pants down making obscene gestures at passers by. The night started off well enough. A quite party with some lovely friends, whom I not only ditched at around 9.30, but also I stole 2 of their already dwindling number; my rather flamboyant friends who didn't really fit there anyway. My sisters were throwing a less sober party; it was definitely worth the switch. There was alcohol-a-plenty, sparkler bombs and dancing, not to mention my very own bed. We danced in the new year, did shots of golden vodka, and my sister's boyfriend (a very sweet, usually shy guy) took his shirt off and was break dancing. I unsuccessfully tried to lure my homosexual friend to bed with me, no idea why that one didn't work. Then I moved on to my sister's boyfriend's best friend, with whom I have flirted in the past, also unsuccessfully. 

There I was, lying in bed, alone and rejected on New Year's Eve. As one of my resolutions was to not make out with boys who aren't my boyfriend, this would seem that everything had gone to plan (just for clarity; I don't have a boyfriend but just want that commitment, or at least a hint of it, before I get physical). Alas, I was miserable. I was lying in the most forlorn pose I could muster in my drunken state, when I noticed my phone flashing. A missed call from that boy who likes me. We had a moment a few weeks back, but since then I'd been very clear in that I wasn't interested. We are friends and no more. I don't want to be one of those girls who knowingly leads guys on because she likes the attention. I hate those girls, I think they are bad people. Although that said I was pretty lonely, and I actually really genuinely like his company, and one phone call wouldn't hurt, would it? Half an hour later and he was in a taxi on his way over to mine. I am a bad person. We had a really pleasant time. He stayed over, and after the embarrassment of introducing him to my sisters, who did unfortunately notice that our party was one more in number since the night before, we had a nice day together. We stayed in bed, we watched a movie, we made out and he told me it had gotten to the stage where if he saw me with someone else it would hurt him. I promised him that there was nothing going on with anyone, and that I would wait if anything did come up, but that I still wasn't interested in anything long term with him. I have to quit this. A nunnery seems like a really good idea right now, but knowing me I'd probably fall for some monk, and make him break his vowel of silence as he yells at me to stop feeling up his leg with my foot at the confession booth.

Resolutions are a bit of a sham, I've failed heaps already and forgotten the rest. Maybe my resolution should just be to not be a bad person, and I should remake it every day. And to lose weight. 

Another, less slutty, aspect of my life (I know may as well just stop reading now) is how unmotivated I am to write. I will never succeed at anything if I give up when it gets boring. There's an added element because I have now made a deal with a writer friend to swap him for his stories, so there is that adding anxiety to my writing. I kind of like this guy. I hope it works out just so we have this super romantic story of how we got to know each other through shared stories. And he wrote a story about a young man, nervously in love with a friend. So nervously in fact that the only way he could tell her was through a character in a story he gave her. Or something like that. But I'll never get my happy ending if I don't finish my story. Maybe I'll write it now..