I thought about shutting this blog down (I know! its been a crazy whirlwind, those 13 posts) because of the embarrassing nature of all these personal stories, the potential trouble they might cause me later in life (you know when I run for president and release an overtly Christian album condemning everyone but me for their sins), and because if my family or close friends were to read this, they would see me in a completely different way.
I'm not all that secretive in general, but I think the idea of an online blog no one reads creates a kind of confessional mood in me, plus its more interesting to read juicy details than 'how i'm going to improve myself' lists.
Reading it back made me decide to keep it, cause who the fuck cares if people know every disgusting detail about me, chances are there are a lot of people who have similar secrets and maybe it will make them feel better knowing someone else out there also looks at their poop on occasion to try to figure out which meal it was from (oh what's that? ohh you only want sexy secrets? oohh ok.. penis penis masturbation.. just keeping the public happy).
I read an autobiography recently of one of my favourite comedians, Tina Fey. I decided that I'm probably going to be famous when I grow up and that I should start writing mine now, so we don't miss any of those finer details. In 30 years time, there's a slight chance I won't remember that I had cinnamon flavoured porridge for breakfast this morning, and the idea of the public missing out on that sort of stuff, well it sickens me and makes my eye sockets cry (it may also be 4.30 am).
We've missed a lot of time, most of the romantic interests of the previous chapters have gotten girlfriends, or told me outright that they weren't interested but I am proud to say that in my time away I almost, kind of was starting to begin to date someone. It didn't last very long, and was never official, but thai food, sleepovers, and a few genuine I'm interested in seeing where this is going conversations definitely count as something and its a definite sign that I am back in the game.
I got a little sad at the 'we probably should stop hanging out coz of the whole not much in common thing' conversation and definitely did something similar to pleading my case in court about why I thought we should just ignore those issues for a little while longer, maybe into like the third kid or something. But after that embarrassment ended I held my held high and ended on good terms. (if we ignore the 'are you sure you don't just want to be fuckbuddies' text message that went ignored several days later)
It was really nice and all to have someone interested, and the pain wasn't too hard to deal with, so I can be confidant that I am ready and no longer anxiety ridden about dating. However I actually am coming to really like being on my own, deciding who I am, what I like, where I want to go. I'm so impressionable that its impossible for me to know these when I'm with someone else, and once you end up with someone, there's no going back to that stage (yes i believe in forever love), so I'm relishing it as much as possible now. That said, I probably would think entirely differently if I stopped hanging out with this friend I hook up with on a semi-regular basis, in fact I'd probably already be crying.
I will start a slightly more professional blog, in which I try to navigate becoming a writer, wait wasn't that was this one was meant to be? I'll link it somewhere and see you over there (Lauren, are you talking to yourself again? ..What? no? Ok just checking (*muttered under breath* you psycho weird person) once again people.. almost 5 in the morning.
