Today my counsellor told me that because I was bright when I was younger, and because I often left things til last minute (which I then got good marks for) I would associate that feeling of rushing with the feeling of success and achievement. This is so true it hurts. Its not just the association but I actually don't feel all that achieved if I hand something up with plenty of time to spare, even if I get amazing marks for it. Well I do feel good, but not as good as if I had that badge of honour of "oh yeah, that thing? I totally did it the night before".
So now I have part of my french oral presentation done, but none of the translation and I still have an entire modernisms presentation to start AND finish but for some reason my brain has decided that 5 hours is more than enough time, and not nearly little enough time to stress me out enough to actually get things done.
I actually feel like I'm being birthed right now. Its a strange analogy for anxiety, but I feel like there is a ridiculous struggle that I have no choice but to get through (so thats tomorrow where I have not one but two group oral presentations) and then everything will be better once I'm out the other side, 6pm after my class.
I know that I need to take this task one step at a time, I know that I can't possibly sleep or find other ways to procrastinate, I know that that is absolutely not an option, but I just don't wannnnaaaa...
Another thing that I need to work on is persevering through my work when it gets boring. After like an hour I get so bored of one task.
So I had an undeserved "break" and closed my eyes for like 2 seconds. An hour later and I'm back, disoriented and not ready to work at all. This semester is a disaster.
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